5 Ways You Can Meet Your Fear With Compassion

With all the violence (and threats of violence) that have been in the headlines these past few weeks, the emotion of fear has been living very prominently in my mind. Fear is the most primal of all human emotions; there are no grey areas in the emotional landscape of fear. This emotion has a very important role: to protect us from danger. It prevents us from thinking we can hug grizzly bears, no matter how cute they may seem. The problem comes when fear wants to "help out" when it isn't needed. And in our modern world - where we generally aren't being chased by grizzly bears on a daily basis - fear often feels the need to lend a helping hand when it really isn't necessary.

In our society, admitting that we feel fear is often considered shameful, and yet the mainstream culture constantly feeds our fear, making it grow stronger and more powerful. We may try to fight fear or deny its existence, but in my experience, that isn't a very effective approach.

So what are we to do with the voice of fear when it tells us to run away when we're in a casting office waiting to audition? Or when it tells us to stay home and not go to the audition in the first place? Or when it immobilizes us when places are called before a performance? Below are some tools you can use to manage and diminish fear:

1. Make friends with fear.  It isn't going anywhere, so you might as well befriend it! When you notice it bubble up in you, say: "Hello fear. I see you there. Thanks for trying to protect me. I appreciate you." Fear will always be in your life, but it doesn't have to control your life.

2. Name your fear. Try thinking of fear as a separate entity from yourself. You might even want to give your fear a name. I like to call mine "Gertrude." Seriously, give your fear a funny name and you begin to take some power away from this previously unnamed force. When we treat our fear as something separate from ourselves, we are more likely to not let it govern us.

3. Turn off the news. I'm not suggesting that you become completely uninformed and blind to all the suffering in the world. What I am suggesting is limiting the amount of time you spend watching, listening, and reading about negative things happening. It is so easy to become addicted to the negative news cycle. Personally it doesn't make me feel empowered to have this "knowledge." It makes me feel more fearful, overwhelmed and disenfranchised in all aspects of my life. This is especially important if you are a highly sensitve person. While this may not seem to directly relate to stage or audition fright, the more opportunities fear has to manifest itself, the more real estate it will take up in your brain.

4. Take positive action. Instead of watching news, contribute a few dollars to the causes that matter most to you-- whether that be global warming, homelessness or war. Or use your creative voice to create art that will engender positive social change and illuminate the issues that are near and dear to you!

5. Meditate.  Meditation allows "the mind chatter," which is often fear-based, to quiet down. When you meditate, see if you can get in touch with your higher self. The higher self lives inside each and every one of us. It is our connection to something greater than ourselves: our inner wisdom. Allow your higher self to be the one who watches your fear. When you consciously shine light on your fear (instead of unconsciously letting fear run the show), fear's power will be greatly diminished.

Fear is natural, it will always be there. But you have a choice as to how you're going to react to it. The important thing is to not let it run your life. Don't allow fear to stop you from going to that audition or sending that submission to a casting director. When you take positive action towards your goal, you will meet your fear with compassion and it will become less powerful!

How to Cultivate Beginner's Mind

If you're a perfectionist like me, learning and creating while practicing "beginner's mind" is something you might find challenging. What is "beginner's mind" you ask? Beginner's mind is a concept from Zen Buddhism that encourages the practitioner to cultivate a sense of openness and eagerness.  It asks that we let go of prejudgement when engaging in an activity. No matter what your skill level, it is helpful to bring a sense of openness, presence, and childlike curiosity to your creative endeavors.

Despite its name, beginner's mind is not just for beginners. Practicing beginner's mind even when we're "experts" can help invigorate our acting, our creative endeavors, and our everyday lives with a sense of wonder and "nowness." It can help bring us into the present moment.

What are some ways you can begin to apply "beginner's mind" to your creative life? 

1) Allow yourself time to transition. Arrive early to a new class you're taking so when you get there you're not in an anxious and harried state. When you arrive, take some quiet time to center and prepare yourself for the experience. This can take many forms. For example, you might find taking a couple of minutes for meditation helpful, or perhaps journaling helps to quiet your mind. Find what works best for you and turn it into a ritual.

2) Breathe. I know it sounds simple, but there's a lot of wisdom in this simple reminder. When you breathe, you relax your body and create more openness. More openness in your body leads to more openness in your mind, your heart, and more openness to the present moment.

3) Have a sense of humor about yourself. Many artists (myself included) have a tendency to take themselves way too seriously. This cuts you off from the enjoyment of learning and also from creativity itself. You can't be fully alive and creative if your inner-voice is prejudging everything before you have a chance to utter the first lines of the monologue, put pen to paper, or wet your paintbrush.

4) Be curious about resistance. If you're feeling anxious about trying something new, ask yourself what is making you uncomfortable. Figure out why you are afraid of committing to the activity. Oftentimes, "This is stupid," actually means "I'm afraid of looking like an ass."

5) Don't be afraid of looking like an ass.  As an artist, you have to be willing to risk looking like a fool. This requires some vulnerability on your part. I'm not certain of many things, but I am certain  that nothing great was created without vulnerability.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you're exercising your creativity, notice how you react to it. Do you allow yourself a sense of play and openness? If you do, you are practicing "beginner's mind." If you don't, don't beat yourself up- that only exacerbates the problem! Instead, breathe, take a step back, and remember the above tools. Happy creating everyone!

The Birth of Creative Work

As those of you who have been following this blog know, a few weeks ago I started taking a weekly art class. It's been great for me to connect to my creativity in a structured way. I have learned so much about my creative process and I've only been in the class for 3 weeks! I can't wait to see what else I learn over the next couple of months.

This week in class the focus was portraits. The instructor had us put a big blob of red paint in the middle of our paper, which was used to create the shape of the model's head. She told us to use black and white paint to convey where light and shadow were hitting the model. We had 15 minutes to complete the painting. The idea of this exercise was to work quickly and not get bogged down by thinking about each brushstroke.

We did three of these 15-minute paintings over the course of the class. Each time, mid-way through, I was convinced I was doing a terrible job and I should start over. (There's that sneaky inner critic again!) However, instead of crumpling up my paper, I breathed through the discomfort and finished each painting. And guess what?! A face emerged on the canvas. I started each painting with a big blob of paint in the middle of the paper and over the course of 15 minutes somehow I created a portrait. In a way, it was magical.

It got me thinking. When I'm in the middle of a rehearsal process I often go through a similar experience. I start off the project excited about the possibilities and happy about the chance to create something new, but in the middle of the process, I sometimes feel lost. Everything feels muddy and uncertain. It's a very uncomfortable time, often filled with self-doubt. It can feel as if you are eight months pregnant with your creative work, awkwardly lumbering about, anxiously waiting to give birth.

What I've come to realize is that the middle of the creative process is very much a liminal zone. Liminal is defined by Merriam-Webster as "of, relating to, or being in an intermediate state, phase, or condition." Liminal zones are transitional times in the human experience when we are neither here nor there. Examples of common liminal zones are: graduating, moving, starting a new job, getting married, being pregnant. These are often challenging times in our lives, filled with uncertainty and discomfort.

My thought for you today is to realize that the middle part of any creative process is a liminal zone. It's okay that in the midst of creation we are uncomfortable-- you could even say that it is natural or inevitable. You will get through it. Trust that you won't stay there forever. That "in-between place" is simply a part of the creative process. It is a necessary part of your art being "born." And while that is sometimes an uncomfortable, and even painful process, it is also necessary. We can't NOT create in order to avoid the discomfort. The consequences of denying ourselves artistic expression are simply too high.

30 Day Meditation Challenge

Hello friends! Previously I talked about meditation as a tool to bring more presence into our lives. I've decided I want to make meditation a more regular part of my current routine. Practice what you preach, right?

I've been an avid meditator during many periods of my life, but lately my practice has fallen off. I want to bring it back into my life in a structured way. In the past, I've often practiced meditation as way to cope during difficult periods. During those stressful times, meditation brought a great deal of inner-peace and a sense of space into my life. I'm curious as to how my life can transform if I commit to a daily practice when I'm in a mental space of relative peace and happiness.

I've challenged myself to a 30 day meditation challenge. Every day I will start my day with a 10 minute meditation. It may be a guided meditation or it may be simply sitting in stillness. I'm choosing 10 minutes because it's a manageable amount of time. I'm not a morning person, but I know if I leave my meditation until the evening it simply won't get done (and as much as I love my warm bed, getting out of it just 10 minutes earlier is not going to kill me).

As I've mentioned, I've meditated at different times in my life and I also practice Reiki self-care, so stillness is not something that is entirely new to me. What is new to me is the idea of committing to 30 straight days of it! Part of the reason that I'm choosing to share this on my blog is I'm hoping it will give me some extra accountability.

What am I hoping to achieve by the end of the challenge? More presence, more gratitude and more peace. I would love to have some fellow travelers on this meditation journey, so please feel free to join me!  I'd also be thrilled to hear from you. Leave a comment on your favorite meditation style, a guided meditation you enjoy, or what you do to bring more space and awareness into your life!

Growing Our Tolerance for the Unknown

“Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.”

-Agnes DeMille

I was listening to a New-Agey podcast the other day-- because I do that kind of thing sometimes. And the host was saying that he thought that people thousands of years ago could communicate telepathically. His rationalization was that people couldn't write letters and if they were separated for long periods of time, they must've found a way to communicate with each other. His hypothesis was that they must've done so telepathically.

I didn't necessarily agree with his hypothesis, but it got me thinking... about human beings today and how our intolerance for the "unknown" is so low.  This random podcast led me to my own hypothesis: humans who lived thousands (or even a hundred) years ago must've had a much higher tolerance for the unknown.

A thousand years ago, information was extremely hard to come by. Books were rare and usually written in Latin. According to Google, only 6-15% of the MALE population was literate in the Middle Ages. There must've been a great deal they would've had to come to peace with not knowing.

Go back to 1915, just a hundred years ago, there was no internet, no television, no radio. There were telephones and it was possible to send a telegram, but it was expensive and uncommon for most people to do so frequently. People mainly wrote letters to communicate. If you wanted information, you had to go to a library or ask someone. Alternatively, you might have to live with the fact that there was a question that you could not answer.

Now there's us in 2015, living in the age of technology. In New York City, most of us walk around with palm-size computers in our hands (or at least within arm's reach) for at least 16 hours a day. Today, information is literally ALWAYS at our fingertips. Is there something you don't know? Not a problem, just Google it and you have your answer-- or in most cases, you have pages and pages of answers.

This has revolutionized the way we relate to the world. It has had many positive benefits, sure, but there are some negatives. I would argue that it has greatly lowered our tolerance for dealing with the unknown. We can find answers or confirm what we already know on an infinite number of subjects. "What was Robert Downey Jr's most recent movie?" "How do you make a chocolate soufflé?" "Should I worry about this funny looking mole on my right elbow?" 

So when we are confronted with the questions we can't "Google," it's very disquieting to us. We have the answers to millions of questions one click away, but we don't have all the answers. "Am I going to get cast in that show?" "Did I do a good job at my callback today?" "Does my agent still like me?" Then there are even bigger life questions like, "Am I always going to work at a day job?' "Will my relationship last?"  "Is there a God?" "What is the meaning of life?" 

Of course, all of the above questions were always unanswerable (even before the internet). However a hundred years ago, there were also many more questions in any given day that were unanswerable.  And so we were more used to living with the unknown. We were confronted with it all the time. Today, we are still confronted with the unknown, but information is so easy to come by that it makes the answers that we can't have intolerable! And this is backed up by the increasing rates of anxiety in our culture. According to an  article in Salon, almost 1 in 5 people are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in any given year and 28.8% of the population had been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives.

How does this relate to acting you might ask? Well, it certainly relates to the anxiety that many of us experience when we're waiting to see if we booked a job or how nervous we get before we go in the room for an audition. Below are some coping strategies that may help increase your tolerance for the ambiguity we face in our lives. 

• Unplug: Turn your smart phone off or put it away two hours before you go to sleep each night. If you do leave it on, resist the urge to check Instagram or Facebook just one more time before you go to bed. You'll sleep better... and really you won't miss much. Give yourself the opportunity to sit with the uncomfortable feelings that might arise. I promise you they will pass and you will have given yourself the gift of growing your tolerance for the unknown.

• Get outside: Studies show that people who live in less populated areas suffer less anxiety and depression than those who live in urban areas. If you live in a city, make it a priority to get out of the city and into nature weekly. This doesn't even mean you have to leave the city. If you live in New York, go sit or take a walk in Central Park, Prospect Park or go to the Botanical Gardens in the Bronx.

• Meditate: Every day find time for stillness. Meditation can be what you want it to be. I don't necessarily mean sitting in the lotus position and contemplating your navel (although that can be great.) Meditation can be listening to a guided meditation, it can be sitting quietly and focusing on your breath or on a mantra, it can even be coloring in an adult coloring book. The most important thing is that you're taking space in your life for quiet stillness and contemplation.

• Exercise: This is perhaps the most important item on the list. When we exercise we create more space and flexibility in our bodies. Creating space in our bodies also creates space in our minds. Exercising regularly is a proven fighter of anxiety and depression. However, even if you don't suffer from either of these conditions it can still help to create more ease and joy in your life. 

I'm not sure previous generations were telepathic, but I'd argue that people who lived in another era experienced more wonder and more uncertainty in their lives. And as a consequence, they had greater tolerance for the unknown. We can cultivate a greater tolerance for the unknown in our lives through the above tips and also through simply connecting with our breath, grounding, and having compassion for ourselves. 

The Inner Critic

Being an actor seems like the most fun job in the world. You ostensibly get to "play pretend" for a living. But sometimes for myself, and perhaps for you, it isn't fun. When my inner critic gets involved, it can suck all of the joy out of the process.

I spent a few years solely teaching and not acting because putting my ass out there was too scary. This thing I used to love stopped being fun because my inner critic got so loud that it might as well have been called my "inner bully." Recently I've come to realize that avoiding acting (or whatever your creative craft is) doesn't make the fear go away, it just shows up in other aspects of your life -creative or otherwise.

A few weeks ago, I started taking an art class. I used to love painting and I thought it would be fun to take a figure drawing class. I was having a great time doing gesture drawing when the teacher came up to me and made an innocent comment: "Don't go over that line you just drew." I froze up. The pleasure of creating went away and that seemingly innocuous statement activated my inner critic. "You don't belong here." "It was a mistake to sign up for this class." "You don't know how to draw." "You're the worst artist here."

Then I got mad! How dare my inner critic show up here! This was something I was supposed to be doing purely for fun. Is my inner critic going to show up and steal my pleasure and my joy every time I do something creative?!? That's not fair!

I had thought my inner critic only came out to play when I was acting. Now I realized it will rear its ugly head no matter what the creative endeavor. I've been giving fear way too much power in my life. It's been dictating what I do and don't do. And the more power it has, the less joy I experience.

The inner critic is always going to be there looking for the right moment to strike. If I can't get it out of my head completely, how can I work with it so it doesn't control me? I have a few ideas:

• Recognize it for what it is. It is the voice of fear; it is NOT your true voice.

• Treat it as something separate from yourself. Imagine your inner critic as a friend who sits next to you. Would you let someone speak to you the way your inner critic does? I wouldn't! Say to your inner-critic, "Thanks for the input, but I got this!"

• Acknowledge the fear is there. Don't deny it. Do your creative work anyway. By not practicing your creative work, you've shown the inner critic that it's powerful, that it can control you and can prevent you from being creative. Instead, "feel the fear and do it anyway."

• Take time to journal. Writing down what you're inner critic says can be so helpful because when you see it on the page, you can call it out for the bullish*t that it is. Writing it down will help you discover what is underneath the critic and that is a huge step towards quieting its voice.

• Take time for stillness every day. Meditate or go inward in a way that works for you. Meditation has a cumulative effect that will start showing up in other areas of your life. When you meditate, you're a more centered human. And when you're centered in yourself that voice isn't going to be nearly as loud. Plus, you'll be able to recognize the "inner critic" more quickly (rather than falsely identifying the voice as your own). 

Feeling Alive

Last night I was fortunate enough to participate in a monthly meet-up with fellow Miller Voice Method teachers-in-training. The meet-up was overseen by Scott Miller, head teacher of the Miller Voice Method. Another teacher and I led the exercises for the evening. It was truly inspiring to be in a room with other like-minded teachers and artists. After a long slow August, my soul was yearning to be filled up with movement and inspiration. I found that at last night's meeting in spades.

It got me thinking how important it is for us artists (and indeed for all humans) to seize opportunities to feel fully alive. I don't know about you, but when I'm not doing things that make me feel alive it turns my whole world grey. And yet it's incredibly easy to fall into a place of complacency where we stop exercising our creativity. Sometimes we feel like we want to experience aliveness but no one is giving us the opportunity to do so. The truth is we can always give ourselves that opportunity, we don't need to wait for anyone, such as a casting director, to give it to us.

As actors, we experience connection to our aliveness when we are acting. It's usually a big part of the reason we started acting in the first place. But what happens when we haven't booked work in awhile? Or we haven't been on an audition in three months despite being submitted constantly? Many of us despair when this happens. We beat ourselves up or decide it's time to give up and find a "real job." But the healthier option would be to connect to our aliveness. I would almost guarantee that it will  bring you out of despair and remind you why you started acting in the first place.

What do I mean by "connect to our aliveness"? I mean doing things that make you feel 100% alive and present. Connecting to your aliveness is about doing things that you love. It's about being open to what's happening in the present moment. It's akin to the feeling of skydiving out of an airplane and trusting that your parachute is going to open so you allow yourself to enjoy the journey back to earth.

How often have you wanted to take an acting class but didn't because you didn't feel like you had the time? Or the money? Or perhaps you talked yourself out of doing something because you couldn't be sure that you would like it. Our brain has a lot of tricks and rationalizations that often talk us out of making a move. It's good to not over-commit yourself and to weigh your options, but sometimes our brains work too well at impulse control. This can cause us to feel "stuck" as artists. And since our artistry is such an integral part of who we are, we not only feel stuck as artists, but also as human beings.

As actors, we often have to do other things aside from our art to pay the rent. That's why it's so important to nurture our inner artists so that we feel happy, fulfilled, and alive in our personal and professional lives.

I encourage you to make a move to connect to your aliveness. It doesn't have to be taking an acting class; it could be simply inviting a few friends over to read a play out loud. It could be something unrelated to acting or what we think of as creativity, such as getting out in nature or taking a great yoga class or an art class or going dancing with friends. There are so many options that will take you out of your "stuck-place" and put you right back into your passion. And when you're connected to your passion, your creative tank gets refueled and your inner artist comes back to life.

6 Tips For Calming Your Nerves Before Public Speaking

Here are some strategies that I employ to help make public speaking a more joyful and less nerve-wracking experience: 

1. Prepare: The more prepared you are, the less nervous you will be. Do your homework on whatever the topic is that you’re speaking about.
2. Practice: Before you go into a performance situation make sure that you’ve practiced in front of actual people-- a friend or family member so the moment of performance isn’t the first time you’re speaking what you’ve prepared out loud.
3. Acknowledge: It’s absolutely okay and perfectly normal that you’re nervous. Instead of trying to deny the nervousness or push it away-- make friends with it, breathe into it. “What you resist persists,” so don’t resist! Be curious about your nervousness, what is it trying to say to you? Appreciate your fear, your fear thinks you are in danger and is trying to protect you.
4. Explore: Before your speech or presentation, if possible, visit the room you’ll be speaking in. If there’s a podium you’ll be speaking at spend some time behind the podium, touch the podium and see what it feels like. Touching the podium, desk or even your suit jacket (for example) can tactilely help ground you in the space.
5. Breathe: Before your presentation take some alone time, away from your colleagues-- it can even be in the bathroom if that’s the only solitary place you can find. Place one hand on your heart and other hand on your belly and simply connect with your breath. It can be helpful to close your eyes and visualize yourself giving a great talk. You may even want to give yourself a “pep talk.” I find the notes app on my iphone very handy for doing so. Breathe and connect to your inner wisdom and start a dialogue with yourself on any fears you may have.
6. Perspective: “They can’t take your house away.” Remember to keep things in perspective. Chances are this one speech, interview, performance etc. isn’t going to make or break your career. Try to take all public speaking opportunities as learning experiences, the more you do them, the better you’ll be. It’s so important for us as human beings to stretch ourselves and get out of our comfort zones. Public speaking is a great way to kick fear out of the drivers seat.